Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How do we handle this?

My Mother-in-Law brings up a good point on her blog. How do I handle it when my child's love for her grandmother is causing her to sin?

I am so thankful that KayLynn loves her grandparents and that they love her. But it is NOT ok for her to throw a fit just because she must leave one of them. Let me be clear - it does not hurt my feelings; I am not wanting her to love me more. I want her to sin less. Throwing a fit because you cannot have something you want is a sin - regardless of what it is.

Any advice??


jbhinman said...

Here is my advice:: There is no magic discipline for tantrums. Kaylynn will throw them (that is just what kids do) I'm not saying that they are right by any means just stating that they will happen. My advice would be too carry her to the car and leave through the tantrum. When she calms down discipline her accordingly. I find that spanking during the tantrum doesn't work for my kids. Then tell Shari that she needs to start talking to Kaylynn about how she is going to go to see mommy and daddy about 30 minute before you come home so she has a transition period. Then tell Shari that she can pray for Kaylynn's sins but not too internalize it because it will be a long road of misbehaviors that she will see. Just advice but if you have a better idea please tell me because we still struggle with tantrums.

Deenie said...

Here is my advice
First let her grandparents (or sitters know what you are going to do so they support you and you can follow thru easier)
When the tantrum starts, quickly and calmly say to her "Kaylynn - do not scream (or whatever it is she is doing),you are making mommy sad and now we must leave because you are not being nice." Then 1 swat - pick her up and put her in the carseat and don't respond to anymore. Turn on the radio softly, etc.
Usually if they realize the tantrum causes you to leave quickly and it doesn't get the desired effect they soon stop. In my younger years it only took a couple times (even once abandoning my grocery shopping and having to go back another day) for them to realize this behavior has no benefits.

Leanne said...

We have had similar responses from our boys when leaving the grandparents, and have found a few things that have helped.

Just as we like to have warning when things are about to change, so do our kids, so giving them a five minute warning helps them to at least of been warned ahead. Not that this changes their response initially, but you can talk through with them that mommy (or whoever is there) has given you time and warning, and now the time is up and we must go. When, (yes, I am sure a tantrum will still ensue)the tantrum begins take them aside and address the sin. Ignoring them is not teaching them anything, and often gives them just what they want. By ignoring the tantrum you are teaching them that that behavior is ok, even if you are not giving them what they want. A spanking, sometimes more than one round, has been very affective in our case. I am also glad that my boys love their grandparents, but throwing a fit when its time to leave is not ok. By teaching them this lesson, they will be even more of a delight for their grandparents.

sharika roland said...

well I am talking about how soon mommy will be here and how fun that will be to see her. That is about 12 minutes till you get here. Maybe if I start putting things by the door so we get into a going home ritual it will help make the shock less or if we sit at the window and wait for you like 10 minutes before you get here and talk about it. I i will try that next. and Pray for her too to be happier with the next part of the day.