KayLynn has really been struggling with learning appropriate independence. Maybe closer to the truth I should say - I have been struggling with her learning appropriate independence. Though very age appropriate as she is learning what she can control; I also have to teach her what she does not have control over. I have learned that too many options create discontent within her. Just as I learned when she was an infant - that too many toy choices made her discontent. Likewise, too many options and not enough boundaries seem to make her unhappy and feel out of sorts (leading to sin). It is as if the boundaries and my making choices for her create a sort of invisible swaddling blanket.
It started with food. Then it was bed time. Then it was whenever I asked her to do something. Then it was changing her clothes. And now it is who puts her to bed. After a little while with these problems, I (with help) realized them for what they are. She wants what she wants - when she wants it. Though I know it is sin, I have also really been struggling with what the deeper issues are.
When she was an infant and would cry a lot, I would wrap her tightly (giving her body boundaries) and she would be calmed. Later when she was disobedient, and seemed unable to obey, I would hold her (and all of her flailing limbs) close to me until she calmed. It always worked. She still loves to be held closely. She loves to have a hand pushing (not just laying) on her back when she is cuddling. When she is sick she wants to be held tightly and not let go. She
So, it seems to me that this child that I am nurturing needs less power(less options, less decisions). So, our discipline tactics have changed again (because we have an ever changing child) and we are giving her an invisibly swaddling blanket. I am taking choices out of her hands so that she doesn't have to be overwhelmed.
Little by little it is working and we are seeing our sweet girl return. She eats her carrots proudly now, and goes to sleep once again with no fussing. She makes less fuss about changing her clothes, and soon she will stop fighting the cuddler (whoever puts her to bed - we alternate).
I am so thankful to not only have help in seeing the bigger issues and learning what I am supposed to be teaching my darling daughter - but also to have a compliant child who learns quickly.